My Sisters...My Bestfriends

We're sisters...all six of us, and we're best of friends. We love to get together and talk, laugh and eat, and do all sorts of things fun sisters do together. We are a noisy bunch (at home, not in public) and our NANAY (MOM) used to  complain about our loud guffaws and  endless yaps. Truth is, NANAY loved to see us together doing what we do best...like I said...talk, eat and laugh! It used to behoove her how we could plan our next  merienda (snack)  while still eating lunch...and while eating snack we  could talk and plan our  dinner. Hey, food is one of the best things that bind people together.  Oh, but we're not all food, talk and laughter...we are also about caring , loving and looking out for each other. It is a comfort to know that there are  persons in our lives who share our beautiful past (growing up) together, who share  our successes, griefs, happiness together, who are commited to celebrate and journey through life. Sisters are  blessings---I know too well. Mine surely are!

Oh, the BEE among the flowers is our  brother. He is not a member of the SISTERHOOD...although we love him dearly....

"For there is no friend like a sister

In calm or stormy weather;

To cheer one on the  tedious way,

To fetch one if one goes astray,

To lift one if one totters down,

To strengthen whilst one stands."

---Chritina  Rossetti

"Sister. She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows you when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink......---Barbara Alpert

 Tiffany heart necklaces we wear that mark the  sisterhood club...

Sisters are beloved angels whom God sent to be beside us through thick and thin.

                     ----Anonymous

We laugh, we cry, we make time fly. Best friends are we...my sisters and me.

                                                                                 ---Anonymous

Sisters are special from young ones to old. God gave me sisters, more precious than gold. ------Anonymous

My sisters are my favorite persons to hang out with.
----Florisse Scouten

You keep your past by having sisters. As  you get older, they're the only ones who don't get bored if you talk about your  memories.-------Deborah Moggach

Love, Mercy and Grace, sisters all, attend your wounds of silence and hope.

---Aberjhani

             Having sisters is like  having best friends for life.

Sisterhood in a club with a lifetime membership

      The best thing about having sisters is that  I always have friends.
                                                                ---Marion Garritty

     A sister is a little bit of  childhood that  can never be lost.

Sisters don't intrude on your life, but they do keep an eye on it.

I'm smiling because you're my sister. I'm laughing  because  there's nothing you can do about it.

Both within the family and without,
our sisters hold up our mirrors;
Our images of who we are and of who we can dare to be.
                         ---Elizabeth Fuhel

Is solace anywhere more comforting  that that in the arms of a sister?
-------Alice Walker

There can be no situation in life in which the conversation of my dear sister will not administer some comfort to me.
--------Mary W. Montagu



A true sister is a friend who listens with her heart.

----Unknown



A friend knows all of your best stories, but a sister has been through all of them with you.        -----Unknown

Sister  is our first friend and second, mother.
----Sunny Gupta



Friends change. Lovers leave. Sisters are eternal.



YOu know full well as I do the value of sisters' affections: There is nothing like it in this world
----Charlotte Bronte

My sisters are my favorite people on earth.

----Ryan Phillippe

How do people make it through life without a sister?

You and I are sisters. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up---as soon as I finish laughing.

Sisters make the best of friends.
Sisters are different  flowers from the same  garden.

Serenading Nanay

 

Here I go again. I came  home to the Philippines. Nanay went home to be with the Lord, and so I must go to say goodbye.  My dear Nanay who was the embodiment of a Proverbs 31 woman took her last breath February 1, 2013. (A mere five months after the apple of her eye, my kid brother passed away in September.) 

  

 

 

 

 I fingered the intricate embroidery and beads of Nanay's pina dress. I told her I love her. I thanked her for all that she's done for me. I thanked her for all the prayers she uttered for me growing up. I thanked her for setting a good example in life  for me. I sat before her and reminisced beautiful memories.

 

 

 

 Nanay's nephew and nieces from her one and only brother came to visit. They brought their teenagers to serenade Nanay. Seven of them sat around before Nanay's casket and played their violins, viola and cello. What beautiful gesture. I know Nanay would have loved it if she were alive to hear it.

 

(They are cousins growing together, making music together. What could be better than that?)

 

It behooves me to think that our families are getting bigger and we are becoming strangers to one another. If I bump into anyone of these faces out in the streets or malls, I would never know that he/she is (closely) related  to me.  That he/she  is my niece/nephew from my first cousins. And there are many more of them around whom I have not met. So imagine my delight  to meet these beautiful violin-viola-cello-toting young people who happen to be family. They go everywhere, and they go bringing their music with them.

 

Sunday Afternoon

We relish our  weekend afternoons together. We lounge. We hang out, all three of us. We talk and laugh and  enjoy  each other. We go to church. We dine out. We browse libraries or  Barnes and Noble. We watch tv and nap together. We read books and talk about what we read.

We like doing things together. Family is the best company...bar none. We also do things individually together. 

 

Zach may do the ipad while Dad plays his guitar  and mommy tinkers with her  camera.

Each one pursuing his  interest, together.

Each one is busy and  in quiet solitude together.

Dear Junie

Dear Junie
I miss you.
Why did you leave life too soon? 43 is ridiculously young---you are supposed to  live longer than all of us. You took such big bites of life---life itself overwhelmed you. For yourself, you did not think that  death was applicable too soon, so while you were busy taking a hold of life by the neck ---death crept up on you and pounded in one moment and snuffed the life out of you and silenced you...cold turkey.

Agghhhh...I know there is no turning back the hands of time but how can you be dead? How can Jun Bote be  enclosed in a casket all so cold and silent. Jun Bote is equivalent  to life, not death. Jun Bote is equivalent  to  laughter and guffaws, not deafening silence. June Bote is equivalent to  exploration, not idleness. Jun Bote is  equivalent to  bursts of songs  and  funny dance strokes, not stillness.

Dear Junie,
I miss you.
My heart cringes when I think of the last time I saw you---cold and unresponsive lying so deathly silent in the casket as though sleeping in quiet repose. Your  body was hard solid---your ears felt like  woodcarving---your plump cheeks were like rocks, clammy and unyielding. Only your hair  stayed the same.
I kissed your face---you were  lying there "sleeping" in the midst of  us all . How can a room that contains  you be silent? As you looked like  you were in  deep slumber, your countenance in repose commanded attention like it used to be  when you were so full of  life.
I cried, I cried a flood for you and what  you must have gone through that tragic moment.  What went through your  mind  as your car flew off the bridge?
My heart aches  for losing you my brother. This pain lurks in my heart every single day that I wake up to. It's been three months since the accident and my stubborn heart refuses to acknowledge the truth---as though it is still hoping this death story   is someone else's from far away and not yours---and if it is, my heart whispers, "hush...hush...it's just a bad dream."

Who am I to say "you're not supposed to die this young!" I know in my heart our days  are numbered by God as His Word  says so. May the Lord  forgive me that I should think  you've a hand  to your  early demise. I miss you...my heart  aches for you...I am hurt and disappointed in you that you lived life  hurriedly and  left too soon.

Junie, wherever you are right now, I pray that your soul is at peace  with the Lord. I pray that your soul is at rest and know that you lived  life  fully, your way.

I cannot seem to reach the bottom of this  grief. I have a nagging pain in my heart that simply lurks  inside. But life must move  on. I will resume  my life as a mother to Zach, a wife to Steve, a teacher to my students, but never as a big sister, ever again. I will resume my life  with a gaping hole in my heart and always flinch at the thought of  my young brother dead and physically gone forever.This thought shakes me to the core, because this means  I will never hear him laugh again, or talk, or sneeze or tell a funny joke. I will never hear  him sing  with his eyes close or harmonize during our family meal prayer song. I will never hear him talk about God, or propose yet another business venture (that I always  refused to go into). This means I will never see him walk in and out, or dance his funny dance strokes. This means I will never ever feel anxious for  him and his adventures and living life on the edge. This means I will never ever have to continue hoping my big hopes and  dreaming my big dreams and  wishing my best wishes for him ever again. I miss him dearly.

Little did I know that five days after my last entry (Sept. 14) my kid brother would die from a vehicular accident. It's more than two months since it happened and my heart is aching just like when I first heard of the tragic news. At this point there is a big disconnect between my heart and mind. My mind tells me, matter of fact that Junjun  died, but my heart still struggles to accept it.  My heart and mind are not together these days...processing this event in my life is a slow and painful grind.

September. 18, 2012 (about 12:20 noontime in the US...that's Sept. 19...12:20 after midnight in the Phil.)
I was in the car with my family (Steve driving) headed to Long Beach NY, coming from the Poconos...about this time I was looking out the car window...feeling sleepy...while in the Philippines, Junjun's car careened and  fell off just at the foot of the bridge 15 feet down below. How did I not feel anything at that moment? He was my brother...

One short sleepe past,
Wee wake eternally
And death shall be nor more
Death, thou shalt die.
               ---John Donne

When I got home that afternoon, the phone rung and my sister Ellen was at the other end uttering my name  3 times with such a frantic tone. I knew something was bad, so I went to the room in private. She said, "Pong....Pong...Pong....(one of my many nicknames at home)....Junjun is gone."
A black wall immdeiately kept my brain from accepting a horrible news and in denial I just said,
 "He's gone, where to?"
Then she said, "He's had an accident and he's gone."

I gasped for breath. Like someone pulled  my heart out of my chest.
My husband heard the name Jun and my gasping for  breath....and tears started streaming down his cheeks.

And my heart said, "Remember Job.. worship the Lord  for He is sovereign."


September 20
JFK airport waiting to board the plane.
Jun-jun DIED.                             Junjun DIED?
My little brother passed away.
What strange words.
I have to go home to say, "GOODBYE."
I mean, "SO LONG." and "SEE YOU LATER."
43 short years.
He was bigger than life.
So soon.
Yes, I dreaded this happening---I mean the DEATH--- but it happened too soo.
He wasn't careful.
He loved his family deeply, but he wasn't careful...for their sake.
He knew how to enjoy life.
Junjun DIED.
I have to write those words over again---to see the words because  my heart says they are not true.
My kid brother, SO FULL OF LIFE,
bursting with hopes and dreams... striving, always striving to do well in life...
he PASSED AWAY. It is all so SURREAL.
Junjun DIED.
I have to stare at the words to let them sink in.
He was funny in many ways.
He can send my mom in stitches with his antics.
He had this  funny butt dance  that gave my mom belly ache and tears laughing.
Oh, he went too soon.
Age 63 would have been ok----but 43?
Preposterous!

AIRBORNE:

With a family so young, he left too early.

I am not questioning God, for I believe  He is sovereign and in control. Nothing escapes His  eyes.

I am just trying to make a sense of my personal loss.

But I was looking forward to having get togethers  with my siblings when we get  older.

Now it's minus 1. Minus Junie.
The funny one is GONE.
Where is he now?
Where is his soul roaming now?
Is he watching his family in grief?
That must give him a heartache too.
Is he afraid? I pray not.
May the heart of his soul be at peace .
May the Spirit of God guide him in this.....his journey.

He was gallant. And magnanious. Always generous.
Always hospitable and again generous to a fault.

He was a dreamer.
He always did things to bring him towards  those  dreams.
He dove into endeavors head on---and not toes first.
He was carefree, not conservative in  these endeavors.
He lived big---he lived  in the moment  and for the moment  even if tomorrow  was not promising.
He laughed lots, but he gave lots  of incessant laughterS.

He was  Councilor of Lupon.
Full of kutzpah. And adventure.  And boldness.
Now the Sangguniang Bayan of Lupon  will not be as fun as when Jun was there.
His High School reunions will not be as fun as they used to, when he attended  them.

He was the center from which guffaws, laughter and giggles  emanate.

He had aspirations  of being a mayor in Lupon...like my Dad once was.
Given time, he could be one  if he goes for it. But now he is DEAD.

Life has gone out of his body. So young.  So soon.  At 43.
He was adventurous. He loved to have fun. He was a risktaker.

Now I'm going home to the Philippines to say goodbye.
Junjun DIED. Junjun is DEAD.
What a strange thought.
Maybe I should say  to soften each new blow everytime it comes to mind...
Junie has gone home.
Junie has gone home ahead of all of us.

He left with a bang. His car flew off the side of the bridge. What an exit!
Never a dull moment even to the last minute of his life.

He was passionate  about novelty  of just about anything---
ideas, endeavors, business, people big or small.

Sometimes, I cannot help but think that he somehow helped himself to this sudden demise.
I am disappointed with him. Maybe I am mad with him because he drove fast...in the dark...after midnight.
He was not careful.

He was so full of life. My heart refuses to believe that he is now gone.
This world is too big---I feel that he  is just in another part of this planet   where I am not.
He is not dead---NOT in my heart---
He is alive  somewhere, only I cannot speak to him anymore....or hang out,,,
My mind tells me, "But you held him, cold and hard as a rock...unresponsive...without breath.
DEAD.
I close my eyes and think of him...I can see his face laughing, I can hear his laughter.
I can see him dancing, I follow with my eyes the funny moves he makes to make us laugh.
I can see him sit and talk, and  know so well how his lips uttered words, or
 know so well when his eye lids flip close a second and how his eyeballs move this side or that side.
He is alive in my heart.

NOw, how are we to tell Nanay?

This news will kill her. JUnjun is the reason why Nanay has stayed so long after her stroke. Although she is paralyzed and so helplessly trapped in her body---she is on a mission. "To watch  my children." She really means, just not admitting, that she is being there for Junjun. She hopes and dreams for his dreams to come true and for his  many endeavors to be successful. She wants to see him financially set, and not striving so hard. She's been so supportive of Junjun eversince.

He was the  apple of her eye. How are we going to let her know that Junjun is DEAD?
Must we  omit the word tragic from the incident? Like it was just a plain accident---crashed the car and died?
Never mind the words, his car was totalled and he got crumpled  inside.
Never mind telling that the car veered off at the side of the bridge and flew up and went crashing down.
T'was just an ordinary accident? And he died.
No, NOT "He died."
"Junie has gone home to be with the Lord."

I have not slept for two nights since I found out that  Junjun DIED---how can I ? Everytime I close my eyes, the darkness closes in upon me with  visions of Junjun's  car flying  off the bridge and crashing---did he die instantly?
Speculations and questions....
Memories and visions of him swirl in my head.
I cannot breathe.
I cannot stay still.
Maybe it's just a joke---a really bad joke.

Junie had so many cares in  his life but he never buckled  down.
When Nanay had the major stroke, followed with many eschemic ones....at that same time his  radio stations were shut down for  some violation found triggered by his radio announcers  involving themselves  in negative political comments not supported by the  radio management itself---and YET again  that sametime Edna, his wife was very much pregnant and was found to be  carrying a  baby with major abnormalities (some organs are missing). My heart went out to him and I watched him. He simply stood his ground, kept quiet, sighed away...and thought and thought  and thought. I knew he prayed fervently in his heart.
I never saw him breakdown. Just his eyes were thoughtful and sad.
But he kept on going.
I never saw a weakness in his character regarding all the  issues that barraged his life...so unkindly... at that point....
He managed himself well.

Junie is  always flying to and from  Davao/Manila. He  always took  pictures of himself seated in the plane, then he posted them on facebook.
He must be  on his way to Manila now, midnight on my watch (NY time as I am airborne). Noontime in Manila.
Yes, Junie must be  flying on his way  to Manila by now, not seated as he always did travelling, but lying  down...
below...in the plane's belly...as a CARGO. Junie in the plane as a  mereCARGO.

HOMECOMINGS  from faraway lands are supposed to be joyous!!!
Not so this time.
My pain stems from the thought that Junjun could have lived 30 or 40  years more with his beautiful family. He loved them so.
He would never let go of them  whatever circumstances arise.
He loved his wife Edna---he adored his kids. He was so proud of his family, he talked  about them with a twinkle in his eyes and a smile on his face. He talked about his kids with such parental  pride in his  heart.

Sometimes my heart plays a trick on me. It tells me this whole thing is just an experience--and when all this is over, Jun can resume his life.